Member since January 2009.


Although I only became an active member at Desteni in 2009, I have been following and learning the material since 2008. I continue to push myself in my process daily and am determined to discover who I am as life, and help others do the same, so that we can change the world to realize the equality and oneness that are already here.

Kim Doubt

2012 - Rock Bottoming as a Way of Life

This is part of the 7 Year Journey To Life blog campaign where everyone who is ready can join and commit to daily blogging exposing patterns, habits, addictions and any and all parts of self that are Not Life, in order that we may rescript ourselves to effective human beings t... —

Day 46- Wasting Time Cause Life is Hard

It’s interesting to see the difference in my life pre and post Desteni. Before, it was repeating cycles, entertainment and sort of idleness, whereas now it is more a building, self-expansive doing and being. Before, I used to think living is what happened after I got home from... —

Day 45- A Lump in my Breast Part 2

These are self-corrective statements and self-commitments which are tools that I can use to practically guide myself in the moment when I experience the fears/anxieties etc... that I mentioned in my last post wherein I applied self-forgiveness statements to the experience of f... —

Day 41 - Something is Looming

I just finished writing my exams and, something I’ve been working on is being able to function without the constant experience of stress when there is something big, like an exam, coming up wherein t feels like this ‘looming.’ It causes me stress and then resistances towards d... —

Love Month 2012- Using Love as a Drug

We are blind to the fact the 'love' as it currently exists, has more to do with self-compromise than with actual self-expression as equal and one standing with another being. Find out how one group is redifining relationship and turning them into agreements based on the actual... —

Day 40- Fidgetiness While Studying

When I study I tend to get so fidgety that it starts to distract me. It’s like my hands have to wander all over the place all the time, or else I feel antsy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become fidgety while I study. I forgive myself for accepting ... —

Day 37 - Suppression

Day 37- Suppression I’m feeling quite ill tonight with what seems to be strep throat. I was given some perspective on this and it seems to be related to suppression, not speaking, not standing up for myself. When I look back on the past several weeks, I can see s... —

Day 36- Pushing Myself to Study Effectively

I’ve been in school for two years non-stop now, and I’m still having some difficulty with focus and concentration on my studies. I know I spent 18 years developing bad study habits and so it’s going to be a bit of a process to correct it, and that’s cool- II can do ths. So I’m... —

Day 35- I'm Not A Witch!

Today the prominent point I experienced was the experience of not speaking because of the self-observation that when I speak- it is not yet who I am. My last two blogs were about role-playing, wherein I have developed over time, the habit/pattern/coping mechanism of suppressin... —

Day 34- Playing Roles for Others Instead of Expressing Myself (part deux)

I wanted to address something I wrote yesterday in which I see self-dishonesty or abdication. The quote is: “the more I care about them, the more I play the role.” This quote is stating that, if I care about people, I play a role around them. Since playing a role around others... —

Day 33- Self-Expression Replacing 'Role-Playing'

Looking at this point in self-honesty, I see how extensively I have constantly and continuously played roles for others, and its like- the more I care about them, the more I play the role. I can determine that I play specific ‘roles’ when I am in the presence of certain specif... —

The 'Love Drug'

Studies/info on the physiological effects of feelings/emotions: LOVE blogs: (the self-forgiveness is what should be specifically read out loud, clear yourself, read it, and the... —

Day 31- Quitting Love- No Sense of Self

This blog post is a continuation of my post titled “What is Left After Love?” As I continue to walk through letting go of my addiction to ‘love,’ which extends beyond only relationship/romantic ‘love,’ to all forms of what I believed and had defined myself according to what I ... —

Day 28- Self-Blame versus Self-Forgiveness

It’s so easy to blame. When I take a good, self-honest look at my life, like and overview, I see that I used blame a lot. Everything I felt, every internal experience, I felt was caused or consequence of the actions of another. When I started to take myself back from blame, th... —

Day 26 - What is Left After Love?

Day 26- What is Left After Love? After the realization that everything and all that I have been up to this point has been based on the pursuit of internal experiences of myself in relation to all that’s Here, without a consideration for actually reality and th... —

Day 25- Personality vs. Self-Change

I went for a walk on the beach with a woman today, and throughout the walk I observed myself. I felt like my voice was low, my movements felt awkward, I made little eye contact. Also, I found myself to be immature, meaning- my internal experience of myself in terms of self-jud... —

Day 23 - I Am Dependent Upon People Being Dependent Upon Me (mother-syndrome?)

For the past two days I have been living the consequences of the fact that I have grown to be and become dependent upon others being dependent upon me. This one took me by surprise, because I never thought of myself as dependent upon others, but rather a very independent perso... —

Day 20-21 – Seeing it Through

Yesterday I had an experience of what felt like depressiveness, wherein everything felt difficult and I fell into the mind and I was not effective. As it was happening I was aware of the fact that it would not be like that forever. In fact, it has happened quite often that I h... —

Day 19 - Jealousy is a Bitch

Today I am looking at jealousy. Although it has not been a prevalent point for me recently, it certainly has been in the past, which I will bring Here and forgive. It also emerges from time to time within me, mildly, and today I reacted to it, which means that I accepted and a... —

Day 18 - The Presence of Another

Sometimes when I’m alone I feel fine, but then someone will enter into my presence and I will become stressed, as if their presence causes me an internal reaction. I understand that my internal experience of myself is entirely my creation and responsibility, and that no one ca... —

Day 17- Survival of the Fittest Ego

I was talking to a man about the student tuition protests that are taking place around where I live. I didn’t want to because, I’ve noticed that these discussions get pretty fired up, and in the end, the whole thing is usually pretty inconsequential and useless. I resisted tal... —

Day 15- Anger Reactions

Today I reacted in anger when someone grew angry towards me, because I said something that the person was sensitive about. The person looked me right in the eyes and confronted me. I feared the confrontation, and instead of standing up from within that fear I grew angry. I pr... —

Day 12- Secret Thoughts From My Evil Mind

One of the most empowering things I have learned through studying DIP is the fact that nothing we feel is a result of anybody else’s doing but our own, and nothing we judge has anything to do with whom we are judging, rather, it has very much to do with what we are avoiding in... —

Day 12- How I Manipulated Men to Love Me

My pattern within relationships starts with the belief that a male may not prefer/desire/be attracted to/enjoy me as I am. How that belief was developed is a whole other pattern that I created for myself and lived over and over until I believed it to be so real that I defined ... —

Day 11- EgoManiac Goes on the ATTACK... ends up greatly humbled

There are several if not many things that hit me where it hurts. Two of them were placed in my face today and I stood there and fought for my limitations. One is dancing- I suck at it and I feel judged when I do it. The second is working out, it’s hard and I don’t want to do i... —

Day 10- Getting Others to Justify My Self-Abuse

While interacting with another person I had to use extreme self-honesty to see what I was up to within my communication with the person. I was talking about my ‘issues’ which I have been alone with for quite some time now, in which I had no reference point but my writing, whic... —

Day 9 - Saying Hello

The most important thing that I’ve learned from having experienced 30 ‘new years’ is that a specific moment or event does not wipe the slate clean and allow one for a new beginning or ‘fresh start.’ I moved home yesterday. I’ve been gone for two years away at school, and now a... —

Day 8 – Saying Goodbye

Today was the day of goodbyes. I have always feared crying in front of people and due to this fear would suppress it as if my life depended on it. Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally expressive was a terrifying experience for me at first, but as I got used ... —

Day 6 - Numb to Reality

In six days I’ve gone up and come back down, and now I’m in some kind of weird numbness-limbo state in which I feel lost and directionless. Except this time it may have more to do with my current reality/situation. I’ m about to move away again and last time this happened I we... —

Day 5 – What Goes Up Must Come Down

I am on the ‘downside’ of the patterns I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in these last 4 days.What I am experiencing right now is VERY familiar, so it’s definitely really cool that I have been writing because now I can see the ‘up’ I went through, wherein I was... —