Member since April 2008.


Have been watching videos since the beginning, started to participate a bit after. Stopped for a relationship then joined back again mid 2010.

Paul Quessy

Day 349 - Self Commitment Statements

These commitment statements are going to range back to the blog Day 343 - Desire for Energy and continue on into the most recent post about looking at women which all encompasses the same point which involves the desire for energy and the immediacy that I have allowed myself t... —

Day 348 - Looking at Women Self Forgiveness Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize and imagine what a relationship would be like with a women that I am staring at - who I would be within the relationship, what would happen within the relationship, how a certain scenario that comes up withi... —

Day 347 - Looking at women

In the past few posts I've been writing about the desire for energy and within the desire for energy comes the specific example of sex and masturbation wherein as the mind starts to get sex on the mind the desire for the energy from within/as sex or masturbation to/as the imag... —

Day 346 - Self Forgiveness on the Desire For Energy Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to have what I want in the context of energy wherein if I want sex, masturbation, excitement in any form, entertainment, I am able to give that to myself without consequence and that I am able t... —

Day 345 - Having My Cake and Eating it too

In the past 2 posts I've been looking at my desire for energy and who I am within the desire/addiction towards energy. Basically who I am within energy as it comes up within the mind regarding sex/masturbation and/or a form of excitement in that manner such as lust, attraction... —

Day 9 - Separating Myself From Experiences

Last night was thanksgiving dinner and I went to my uncle's to meet with my family. As we sat around and chatted I started chatting with another uncle of mine and as we were chatting we were eating nachos and dip. As I was eating the nachos and dip I was thinking about what I ... —

Day 344 - Self Forgiveness on The Desire For Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the warning signs of myself participating in energy to a degree that it will become the influence and decision of my actions here in the physical, to ignore throughout a day that various thoughts regarding sex ... —

Day 343 - Desire for Energy

*Note - I wrote this post about 3 weeks ago and resisted posting it due to shame and judgement Yesterday I smoked weed so that I could participate in the energy manipulation that I get from smoking weed. Let's start from the beginning Throughout the day yesterday I was inf... —

Day 342 - Standing as My Words Part 3 - Hiding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words that I do not wholly stand equal to so that I can give off an image of my self-definition and continue to hide behind the veil of words so that I can continue to allow myself to abuse when I am alone and iso... —

Day 341 - Standing as MY Words Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another's words through the fear of being ostracized for standing as/on my own through my words, wherein I do not accept words being spoken of/as abuse, and in fearing being ostracized, allow myself to compro... —

Day 8 - Does Managing Diabetes Take 14 Hours a Week?

This post is inspired by a disability fund here in Canada in the time of tax refunds. There is a portion of the tax refund that states that if you have a disability you can get some money back with an income tax return. Diabetes is specifically on that list but it states that ... —

Day 7 - Type 1 Diabetes and Environmental Stimulus

I spoke to my doctor's assistant a while ago when I was getting a check up and creating a new pattern of testing to find out when I am going low at work and how to adjust the insulin that I inject and I asked her about a pattern that I noticed regarding climate. I asked her wh... —

Day 340 - A Man Behind The Mask

In the past few month I developed a rash specifically around the `goatee` area of my face. It has become dry and red. I questioned whether or not it was based on my words. My words have become a reaction essentially. There aren't many times in which I can say that I stand here... —

Day 339 - What does Bernard's Existence mean to Me?

When I first heard of Bernard's `death` it was through a text message from another destonian. I was taken aback. It was an absolute shock to hear that the man who I could trust infinitely and could follow into the depth's of hell was no longer `here`, no longer able to speak w... —

Day 5 - Diabetes and Bi-Polarity

It has come to my attention that within diabetes polarities exist. Look at the relationship between ourselves and diabetes, (those of us who are diabetic), and how we must maintain the highs and lows to maintain homeostasis of the blood sugar, that in itself is based on polari... —

Day 338 - Depression and Home Environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become depressed with myself each time that I walk into this environment, because within this environment, all the memories and attached physictical stimuli is where I have hidden myself and allowed the `worst` to com... —

Day 4 - Living with Diabetes Part 1

In this series of blogs that are to come I will be writing about a point relevant to diabetes that I go through in my day to day living and show how different a lifestyle it can really be, and to show, to the best of my knowledge through living with diabetes, biological functi... —

Day 337 - Depression and Home Environment

In the previous post I was taking a look at a memory of when I was in grade 5 and I wrote down that I wanted a new life as a wish, and as I was writing this down I was relating to memories of the unstable environment that I grew up in with an abusive mother and with fights bet... —

Day 336 - Depression and Lack of Self Care

This post is a continuation from yesterdays post Day 335 - Getting myself Back on Track and in this post I am going to specifically look at the point of stopping smoking and the relationship between stopping smoking and depression and living within self interest. As I stated... —

Day 335 - Getting Myself Back on Track

I went though what I am `going through` when I quit smoking previously as well, and what I am going through is a downward spiral into a lack of responsibility for everything in my life, lack of responsibility for myself within my job, lack of responsibility for myself within s... —

Day 334 - Care for Myself within the Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demonize the mind, believing the mind to be evil, and in believing the mind to be evil or destructive or my `enemy` fight with myself within the mind as I allow myself to think and as I allow myself to participate in ... —

Day 333 - Care for Myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to willingly and deliberately decide to not care for my health, not care for my mental well being, not care for my physical stability and mental stability, not care for the body by deciding to participate in the actions ... —

Day 332 - Motivation and Hope

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become immobile when/as I see or believe that there is no hope for myself, no hope in getting the grades that I need within school, no hope to understand myself intimately, no hope for myself walking out of the self d... —

Day 331 - Moving Myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to move myself in one moment within whatever decision it is that I must make - meaning within the point of writing - make the decision in one moment to write, when I am about to eat - make the de... —

Day 330 - Loss of Motivation

I lost motivation in my life recently - loss motivation to take care of diabetes, loss motivation to write, loss motivation to push myself in studying and in completing homework, loss motivation to keep myself stable and out of the mind, loss motivation to stay here in breath,... —

Day 329 - Not Wanting to Live without Desires

With smoking it took me a very long time to come to the decision within myself, for myself, to stop…still not absolutely there but I've made the decision for myself - all previous times were for an external point, eg relationship, or morality, never from myself for myself to a... —

Day 328 - Nothing to Look Forward to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my life off of desires, base each and every movement upon when I am able to indulge in my next desire, and only from that allow myself to direct myself - making each movement that I participate resultant of desir... —

Day 327 - Looking forward to Desires

I have been quite reactive in the past few days, reactive with anger and frustration towards my surroundings and overall life. In stopping or limiting specific desires, smoking, sugar, fantasizing about sex, entertaining myself, caffeine I've left myself wanting for somethin... —

Day 326 - Self Control and Desires

Within stopping desires there is clearly self control and self discipline needed to be able to stop self from following the thoughts that lead into temptation, as well as self control to be able to stop self from becoming too reactive and following the desire, and this is som... —

Day 325 - Fear of Letting go of Desire pt 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking through the void when letting go of desire, walking through the void of `having nothing to do` in the time that I would usually spend on entertaining myself or dicking around, and in this to not see that ... —