Thomas La Grua

Day 51: Process Update

Yesterday I asked my wife: “How do you know that your memories are you own; maybe they were just implanted into you.” I was just having fun with her. Yet the reality is I have no idea who she or anyone else is; why would I when I don't even know who I am. I'll just come out an... —

Day 50: Relationships

A problem that I sometimes encounter when sitting down to write is not having a subject or an issue to write about. By issue I’m referring to a point within me that I've allowed to occupy me on various occasions let's say for more than a 10 seconds at a time before I stop it. ... —

The Pillar of Resistance, the Rebel in Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically believe that I am this standing pillar of stability (unseen within, but known to be there as who I am), without fully investigating or even seeing from where this so called pillar originates and why I as... —

Day 48: Teaching Children

I wrote before about my starting to work at another school. I'm teaching English, Math and Science (in English) to first and third graders. It's cool, I finally have an audience that listens to me – sometimes. In other words, along with their regular programming which I do not... —

Day 46: Up and down the rabbit hole

Again I ask, what comes first: equality and oneness, or the realization of equality and oneness? I'd say that within existence, they exist simultaneously, because everything is already here as all the possibilities within and as that which is here (where else would it be – in ... —

Day 46: The communicator

I have decided to write a follow up on the subject of “communication.” The reason for this is that over the last 5-6 years, in trying to communicate with others, on the subject of existence: the relationship/s between the mind / energy, and substance / the physical, I have (t... —

Day 44: Details & Communication

A theme that I keep hearing is, “details, details, details.” To walk out of the mind and into the physical, is to understand in detail my mind – which is said to be a mirror as the beingness of me. Thus to understand the details of my mind is to understand me. To transform fro... —

Day 43: Writing, Self forgiveness and Self commitments

When I look at the characters around me and those that are portrayed in the media I wonder why so many have yet to see the solution. I wonder why they have not yet found the answers/solutions that I have found. I guess the difference between us is that when I started to find t... —

Day 42

I finally settled into a job that I enjoy – 24 hours, three days per week, teaching elementary school kids at another one of these expensive private schools. This time, however the students' English level is quite high so I really don't need to use any Chinese, and I’m given q... —

Day 41

Yesterday while speaking with someone that I have recently met, I found myself anticipating what he was going to say – clumping it all into one category, and unconsciously back-chatting as to how I could bring this person to a level beyond his current view. While these conscio... —

Day 40: Physiology

Yesterday I went to the hospital to have my knee looked at. The diagnosis is still inclusive, but my guess is that the tendon that connects the patella or kneecap to the quadriceps muscle is damaged – stretched or torn. It's interesting because I see this injury as learning po... —

Day 38: Knee injury

Knee injury Pain in the right knee – again. This time it's due to an over exertion injury, probably. I actually went to a hospital to get a brace of something for it. However, as is usually the case with me going to hospitals in Taiwan, I ended up driving and limping around... —

Day 38: Know All

Day 37: The Know-All character It may sound funny, but I as the know-All character don't see it as funny; I see it as an issue to be analyzed, hypothesized, theorized, supported, rejected, and then acted upon. Perhaps, in terms of the infinite-possibilities of understanding, ... —

Day 36

I still harbor fear – as the basis of wants, desires, etc., yet far less of it than when I first began this process. Tonight, for example when walking in the park at 2:00 am, I noticed that was doing so without the security routine that I (up until not that long ago) used to s... —

Day 34: The petty stuff

Over the last two days, I've been asking the question, where do I still fear. At an overtly conscious level, I see no fear – as in terms of dying, not existing, losing myself... Yet there must still be fear lurking within me because fear (as I understand it) is the is the root... —

Day 33: Self expectation

Situations are like waves that come and go, and the ones that scream for the the most resources always come when I least expect them. I'm talking about those moments when a problem/situation arises, and (as has often been the case) I as a personality/character immediately want... —

Day 32: Backchat: My way or the highway & Consciousness building a new ride

My way of the Highway That's my title for today, and it will probably change (it did) as I type and what really wants to come out begins to come out. This morning I woke up with a dream in my mind. I knew it wasn't something that was/is supportive – just consciousness keeping... —

Day 31: Too much theorizing, not enough Applying

Over the course of my life, there have been times when I've endured a lot of physical pain. I saw the pain as karma/payment for the sins of my past lives. Within this relationship to pain, there was always the certainty that I would endure because I saw pain as frequency sent ... —

Day 30: Morality (continued)

Continuing with Judgments (once again – parts of me that I didn't see) Self-judgments, judgments of others, and simply judgments have been a part of who I “didn't” see myself to be; yet these parts are/were there, I am certain because you cannot have bad without good, on with... —

Day 29: Morality

Morality Judgments come in so many different forms that it's sometimes hard to notice them, unless one really analyzes his thoughts; and that's what I've been doing. I'll start with me. What I’ve been missing for so so long is and has been right in front of my eyes, and behin... —

Day 27: The Nature of our Beingness, the Nature of the Beast

Are we in and as the nature of our beingness, Evil? As an existence in separation, acting independently without regard for all as one, I would say that we are quite messed up. I'm messed up: I'm not even permitted ( as per the responses that often I receive when I do speak as... —

Day 26: The First Character - wrong direction, wrong directive

Having just finished reading day 79 of the Blog, “Heaven's Journey to Life” I can definitely say that I resemble in a big way, the first character of our existence, “there must be more than ME, there must be more than HERE” Apparently, so too do we all because we’re all of and... —

Day 24: Blame

I’d like to say that I don't play the blame game. Unfortunately, it does sometimes play me. It's when something is not going the way I would prefer it, that I as mind sees opportunity, looks for and too often finds someone or something to directly or indirectly blame for my ne... —

Day 23: Lost in Time

If someone had told me a long time ago: where not to look, where not to go, I would have ran there just to have a look because that's what I do. As far as I can see, it's what I've always done, explore where I'm told not to go. It's easy to fool me; just tell me the correct wa... —

Day 22

Sometimes I'll do unto others - people, bugs, animals, etc., that which I would have done unto me, even when no one else sees. Leaving me to ponder: “perhaps, deep down..?” And then the voice of logic, “Nope, just deceiving myself again.” Because if I were that which truly lov... —

Day 21: What is Best for all

To say, “It's just the way it is.” is like saying, “It's God's will.” It's a lame excuse to not investigate what “is” here, not take responsibility, stay ignorant, experience the lie and then die without ever having stood up and questioned: Why? Some would say, it's not a lie,... —

Day 20: Skeletons in the closet: Here's mud in My face

The title refers to the symbolism of two dreams I recalled upon waking on two separate occasions. Usually I try not to focus on or remember dreams unless their symbolism is immediately apparent; sometimes I'm successful, and sometimes not. On this occasion, it seemed as though... —

Day 17: Laughter: Character or me?

Yesterday, I went and taught a class of four 1st grade kids. Since most of the students are on vacation, it was basically me just keeping them busy. So I started out with my usual thing: what's your name, where are you from... and I heard one of the kids say, “Earth,” which I ... —

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