Member since April 2008.


Have been watching videos since the beginning, started to participate a bit after. Stopped for a relationship then joined back again mid 2010.

Paul Quessy

Day 379 - Imagination SC

I commit myself to taking all things slower so that I am able to give myself the awareness needed to catch myself previous to going into imagination and thinking about random events or random scenarios that pop up within the mind I commit myself to practicing stopping imagini... —

Day 378 - Imagination SF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that as I participate in imagination, thinking about who I would be if I were to change myself within a memory, that I am creating a false perception of who I am and I am allowing myself to ... —

Day 377 - Am I Gaining with Imagination?

Looking at the imagination what happens when I go into the imagination and start thinking about something is that I separate myself from reality, I stop seeing the physical substance of objects in reality and start seeing the holographic images of/as the imagination within wha... —

Day 376 - Basic Self Awareness Part 2

In the past post I wrote about how throughout the day as I participate in the tasks that I need to do such as work or driving or doing an errand of some kind, I start to think about what would happen in any scenario that pops up into the imagination and start to imagine who I ... —

Day 375 - Basic Self Awareness

A point opened up today which is essentially basic self awareness. Awareness of the thoughts that I participate in and how, through accepting and allowing myself to think about certain aspects of my life, and bringing up memories and experiencing energy towards those memories ... —

Day 374 - Decisions

We always have a choice to make on how we are going to direct ourselves, it is a point of self responsibility. We will decide on what we will accept and allow from ourselves and decide on what we will or will not participate in. Even in points regarding curbing addictions we s... —

Day 373 - Religion, Confession, Self Forgiveness Part 3

I commit myself to when I am writing out self forgiveness statements to not be in the state of rushing to just get the blog entry done in which I do not place myself here within the point I am forgiving nor within/as the word of forgiveness and to, in this, place myself here w... —

Day 372 - Religion, Confession, and Self Forgiveness Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write self forgiveness statements out of the want to rush through the statements and rush through the time period that I have allocated to writing so that I can say to myself that `it is done` and now I can move on. I... —

Day 371 - Religion, Confession and Self forgiveness

When I was younger I was going to a catholic elementary school which means that I was influenced by religion at an early age. Every so often we would go to church, mainly on the `big` holidays, christmas, easter, lent, and a few other ones that I cannot remember. One year we w... —

Day 370 - Self Direction Part 2

Within the last post it was clear that within a lack of self direction, meaning as I allow myself to sit and think about what it is that I am going to do next, I allow myself to give way to the mind to direct me and thus accept myself to move into self interest which manifests... —

Day 369 - Self Direction

Now is the time when I have little self direction. It is the weekend, shortly past midnight, and I have woken up only 2 hours ago thus I will be up for the rest of the night. I am sitting here at the computer attempting to push off the feeling of weakness from a low just previ... —

Day 368 - Who I am as Self Support Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when/as I am in a train of thought, a train of thought that is encompassed with energy, such as sexual thoughts, or thoughts about something that excites me, to relish in the energy and to attempt to create more of th... —

Day 367 - Who am I within Self Support

A while back, it was last year, I was in a school class and the person I was sitting beside was resisting the class. He was saying how boring it was and how useless it was and it was noticeable that he did not want to be there. As I was speaking to him I noticed that I was res... —

Day 366 - Time Management and Self Direction - SC

I commit myself to when/as I am done all the tasks that I have to do within a day to realize that I am still here within this world and that I still have responsibility unto myself to assist and support myself within self awareness, and thus to maintain self support when I am ... —

Day 365 - Time Management and Self Direction SF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only direct myself within the things that I must do within a day, meaning direct myself to support myself only within the time wherein I have a responsibility to uphold, allowing myself to use all other time to fuck a... —

Day 364 - Time Management and Self Direction

Now since I am off school I have a lot more time to work with and what I have found is that if I am not directive of myself in that time then I fuck around on the internet entertaining myself and am not very productive with the time. I have been getting `better` pushing thro... —

Day 363 - Relationships and Desperation Part 4

I commit myself to stopping myself from hoping to have a relationship, meaning that when/as I meet a person, if the thought "I wonder if she is single" "I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with this person" comes up or anything of a similar nature comes up, ... —

Day 362 - Relationships and Desperation Part 3

I was questioning whether or not to delete the account I had created on the online dating website and was going back and forth within myself and what I noticed within the debate was that within the decision to remove the account there was reactions and expectations of not gett... —

Day 361 - Relationships and Desperation

In this post I am going to continue writing about who I am within relationships and the idealism of relationships and the fantasizing about relationships and the desperation for a relationship Within the idealism of a relationship I believe that it should be where I give all ... —

Day 360 - Relationships and Desperation

I have recently rejoined a dating site and now that I am back on the site the desire for a relationship has been more prevalent within thoughts and backchat recently, as well as the desire for sex. The desire for sex is not that bad in regards to backchat and thoughts, the lar... —

Day 359 - Anger and Self Hate within Words Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words that I speak by allowing myself to get angry for the words that I use when I react within fear for survival when a person is speaking to me within an environment and situation where my l... —

Day 358 - Anger and Self Hatred within Words

Another point wherein I am angry and hateful of myself within/as what I am living in relation to what I would like myself to live is within words and what I will allow myself to speak within specific environments and scenarios, wherein I will speak words that I do not necessar... —

Day 357 - Anger, Self Hate, Self Love, Self Acceptance and Self Perfection Part 5 - SC

I commit myself to understanding what self acceptance really is within the points that I hate myself for and are angry at myself for and in this to slow myself down when I am experiencing self hate, anger and frustration at myself for walking into consequences that I have fear... —

Day 356 - Anger, Self Hate, Self Love, Self Acceptance and Self Perfection Part 4

As I have been looking at this the past few days, I have noticed that the anger and self hatred is based on myself not doing the things that I would like myself to do = resistance. I see that the hatred and anger is not necessary to participate in, although it is resultant fro... —

Day 355 - Anger, Self HAtred, Self Love, Self Acceptance and Self Perfection Part 3 - SF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unhappy with who I am and what I allow from myself and from being unhappy and dissatisfied, be angry at myself for not living up to the expectations I have of myself, hate myself for avoiding the expectations that ... —

Day 354 - Anger, Self Hatred, Self Love, Self Acceptance and Self Perfection Part 2

…Continuing on from the previous post. Taking a look at the fear of consequences and the anger and hate I experience towards myself when I create the consequences that I fear; as I procrastinate or as I allow myself to sleep for too long, or as I allow myself to consume foods... —

Day 353 - Anger, Self Hate, Self Love, Self Acceptance and Self Perfection.

Self Hatred, Self acceptance, Self Perfection, and Self Love are things that I certainly need to work on within myself. I don't have much self love or self acceptance for myself in/as the things that I do or within/as who I am most of the time. Most of the time it is self hatr... —

Day 352 - SF on Resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contemplate the thoughts about resistance, deciding whether or not I should allow myself to resist or if I should push through the resistance, not seeing within myself that through debating with myself whether or not ... —

Day 351 - Resistance

Resistance is something that I have been allowing for quite some time. I mean it is easier to say no to doing that which I am resisting than it is to say yes and push myself through the resistance, but this has caused problems within my life, specifically a irritation of the s... —

Day 350 - Self Commitment Statements Part 2

I commit myself to develop self trust by walking and living the commitments I am giving myself by/as letting go of the addiction to energy and letting go of the reactions to images of women, reactions to the want to avoid myself via smoking weed, and sticking to the principle ... —